Why Do I Write?

I am the best version of myself when I am writing.

When I’m “coordinating”, when I am “facilitating”, when I am “managing”, when I am “organizing” - I am not the same as when I am writing.

When I’m writing, I’m emotional, I’m slower,  I’m deliberate, I’m intuitive.

Not scattered or manic or chaotic or perfected.

Yet I’ve quieted my writer for so long. It’s not what’s seen as making sense. Writers are hippy dippy. They smoke weed and say “cool man”.

Society wants us to be quicker, faster, to work harder. Does that fit into the life of a writer?

I’m remembering the old her. The one who would lay and binge Hannah Montana for hours. Who afterward would feel so physically rested and emotionally inspired.

Buzzing to be in a room where someone said, “write about this” and “write about that.”

It was my element.

It’s where I honour my inner self.

So how do I move more into this, rather than all the jobs I have that people admire?

Because at my core, I’m just a writer.